JB Salsbury interviews the men of Titan Group!
JB SALSBURY… I’m shaking. I’m a grown woman who hangs out with UFL fighters all day, yet sitting in a room filled with TV screens, bleeping lights, and equipment that I’m convinced could find Hoffa’s body in no time, I’m freaking shaking!
I look down to readjust my cleavage. Maybe the push-up bra was too much? A little shimmy and hoist to get the girls up—is that a camera? I’m being watched? Annnnd, I just plumped up my BOOBS!
Groaning, I drop my forehead to the table. Why did I let Spice talk me into this? Sure, I’d love to go hang out in the freakin’ WAR ROOM with a bunch of TRAINED KILLERS! And the mini-skirt and push-up bra will make me look sooooo professional. I’m an idiot.
The sound of super industrial locks click and slide. I fling back to sitting and try to wipe the holy-shit-I’m-gonna-die look from my face. The door swings open and—whoa…
A guy the size of a professional fighter walks in whose expression is less than welcoming. That has to be Jared. I jump to my feet. Not sure why, but something about his presence commands it. Once he’s in the room, two other guys follow in behind him. One has short dark hair with a kick ass pair of aviator sunglasses hooked on his dark blue tee. Must be Colby. The other is sporting a hot-as-hell brown cowboy hat with shaggy blond hair spitting out around his ears. That’s definitely Cash.
Once they’re all in, Jared whistles and a stalky brown and white bulldog comes waddling into the room.
I drop in my chair.
JARED: (his lip twitches) Not you.
JB: Oh, um… (I start to stand, but drop back when I see Cash and Colby take a seat) I’ll just sit, if that’s okay with you. Or…
They’re staring at me like I just suggested they wear pink and accessorize with feather boas. These guys are all business. I got this.
JB: (clear my throat) Right, well hello, guys. Thanks for inviting me to Titan Headquarters. The place was a little hard to find, but I suppose that’s intentional.
JARED: Cristin didn’t give us too much of a choice. Neither did Mia (glares at Colby). So, you’re here. Welcome to Titan.
JB: Oh… (Awkward.)
CASH: (rolls his eyes): Don’t mind Boss Man. He’s trying to be on his best behavior. This is about as good as it gets.
COLBY: (Throws a handful of Dots into his mouth)
Never thought watching a guy eat DOTS could be so entertaining, but—
JARED: Nothing to say, Winters?
I jump. Man, does anything this guy says not come across as a direct order? His voice sounds like a grizzly bear gargling rocks.
JARED: If Mia wasn’t so damn good for you, I’d spend the next bit talking about how a pint-sized woman has you whipped.
COLBY: (another handful of Dots)
The room is thick with tension. I’m throwing out these questions and running the hell out of here.
JB: Alrighty. Well, I have a list of questions. Some you’ll hate, but please, please (leaning in for emphasis) please remember I DID NOT WRITE THEM. I’m only the messenger. So no hits need to be marked or whatever you call it. Cool?
JB: Right. (Cristin if they kill me, I will be so pissed at you) Colby, what up with the DOTS, dude?
COLBY: I have a sweet tooth. And they’re fun to eat by the handful.
JB: But you eat them when you’re stressed?
COLBY: I eat them on the job because they’re easy.
JB: Hmmm… (tapping my pen) They’re really not. M&M’s are easy. DOTS? Those take work. Besides, I’m pretty sure there was a scene or two when you and Mia were at odds and you went scrounging through Dots boxes like a crack head searching for a fix.
COLBY: (eyes narrowed) I don’t get stressed.
CASH: Dude. Chill out, buddy. The ladies out there are curious, wondering if you’re going to let yourself go now that your married with a bun in the oven and all.
JB: Well, you know, I was promised this was a shirtless interview. Just saying.
CASH: (tosses his cowboy hat off, tugging his shirt up) Anything you want, girl. But fair is fair. This comes off, so does your—
JB: Yes, please. (Oh, dammit. I said that out loud.)
JARED: Cash, shut the hell up.
JB: Nice abs, and a great segue into my next question. (jotting down that Cash’s abs are INSANE, then flipping a yellow page of my legal pad) You’re a bit of a womanizer, aren’t you, Cash?
CASH: I enjoy my time with the ladies.
JB: Anyone in particular? (No way a guy like this doesn’t have a girlfriend)
CASH: Nope. Never. Not my style.
JB: (Huh, he answered that a little too quickly.) Never?
CASH: (a flicker of something sad crosses his face, but he grabs his cowboy hat) What’s the point? Love a woman today, she might be gone tomorrow. I’m in it for the fun. And I haven’t heard any complaints.
COLBY: (Laughs, shaking head)
I’m not buying it. There’s a story there, but to avoid pissing off the expert sniper, I’ll leave that story for Cristin to tell.
CASH: Like you were Mister Innocent before Mia came around. Did you ever say no to some sexed up, no commitment fun? Nope. Didn’t think so.
JB: Jared, you’re awfully quiet about all this relationship stuff. Anything you want to share?
JARED: I have no time or interest in a regular piece of—in a relationship.
CASH: No one could stand him anyway.
JB: (cough) Oh, I doubt that. I’m sure a TON of women would enjoy putting up with Jared Westin. (me, me, me!)
COLBY: The woman would have to have balls of steel.
CASH: And more sass and ‘tude then he’d know what to do with.
JB: Know anyone like that? (me, me, me!)
COLBY: No one that wouldn’t castrate him for the hell of it.
CASH: Or that would be interested in (using air quotes) a relationship.
JARED: No one’s asking you boys to set me up. Jackasses. I prefer a little more discretion.
COLBY: Yeah, what you prefer is two at a time.
Oh. My. Gosh. Two at a time? He didn’t just say that.
CASH: Look at Boss Man, trying to sound like he won’t get rough and rowdy.
JARED: Cash, you’re a moron. You seriously don’t think Cristin is going to read the transcripts of this little sit down and not plot your slow death by the hands of woman interested in making forever stick with you? Be careful. If you’re too stupid to realize what could happen, shit, that’s not my problem.
JB: Oh… (I gesture to Jared) He’s got a point, Cash. You’re totally screwed.
CASH: Yeah, trust me. Cristin can try all she wants. I have no interest in a relationship…
JB: Hmm, why does that sentence feel unfinished? …ever again?
CASH: (readjusts cowboy hat) Subject change. Now.
JB: (throwing hands up) The messenger, remember? (What is that slobbering grunting noise?) Um, I think your dog is chewing on the table.
JARED: Probably is.
JB: Oh-kay… Back to basics- boxers or briefs?
JB: Oh come on. The readers want to know.
JB: Well, okay. I guess if you’re not man enough to answer a simple question about your preference in undergarments I’ll just have to make it up. Hmmm… (scratching my chin) Men wear g-strings, don’t they?
CASH: Any lady that wants to find out if I’m sporting boxers or briefs can give me a call.
(Gripping my hand under the table to keep it from flying up to volunteer)
COLBY: Seriously, man. (Shaking head) Do you ever stop?
JARED: Next question.
JB: (jotting down g-strings…got it) Um, okay. Jared, why did you decide to start Titan?
JARED: Bad shit happened to good people. I was sick of it.
JB: Huh. That it?
JARED: That’s all you get. I had personal reasons.
JB: (jeez, he’s so crabby) Being in the military led you to Titan, right?
CASH: The military focused my mind—
COLBY: And gave you an obsession. Ever seen that man without his rifle?
JARED: Don’t care how attached he is to the thing, he’s one of the best snipers in the world.
JB: You guys have been great…in a kinda scary, but super hot kinda way. So, to wrap this up, let’s do a little word play.
CASH: Baby, I will role play with you any time.
JB: (giggle, blush) Um…word play.
JARED: Cristin’s plotting your player death as we speak, you know that, right? Slow. Painful. I’ll enjoy the hell out of watching you go down.
CASH: Trust me, she doesn’t have a prayer.
JB: (Cash is so screwed. He has no idea.) Ahem, all right. Favorite food.
COLBY: Whatever Mia’s cooking.
CASH: Whatever Mia’s cooking.
Damn, now I’m hungry.
JARED: Same. (cell phone vibrates and he looks at it.) Sorry, JB. We gotta wrap this up. Time to get to work.
JB: But wait, I was promised a shirtless—
CASH (Starts taking off his shirt again)
JARED: Come back after a thousand likes or whatever. We’ll pick up then. Until then, boys, time to go to work.
(Invited back by Jared? Score! But next time I’m bringing backup.)
And in seconds, I’m back where I started. Alone in the War Room. Wow, that was intense. I take one more pass around the room, absorbing what I’m sure will be my last experience in a room like this. Huh…Colby left his DOTS box. I check the camera. Ah, screw it. I grab the box and shove it in my purse along with an almost empty water bottle Cash brought it. Hmm, what can I snag of Jared’s? My eyes narrow on a small piece of paper on the floor by the door. I grab my things and make my way out, swooping down to grab what must have fallen out of one of their pockets. It’s just a scrap of paper, handwritten in very masculine scribbles, GUNS-Sugar and a phone number. Good enough. I shove it into my purse and head back through a series of winding halls to my car.
Time to get the hell out of Titanland.